What to do.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel lost, and alone. No one is helping. No one can. I don’t know for how long this will go, but it is strong now.

I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes I see faces. I see bodies moving. People having sex. Her stripping naked. I see stuff happening.

I hate sleeping. And I’m afraid of sleeping. The thought of seeing those flashes keeps me scared and awake. And when I do sleep, I get these nightmares that torture me until I wake up – which is no longer than an hour after I feel asleep.

Medication won’t help. These thoughts are there. I don’t know how long they’ll do this to me. Do I need surgery? A psychiatrist? A psychologist? Whatever happened has happened. It was a black day. Or a black period. A period the least someone – the person involved – can do is be ashamed of.

Last week I had very bloody nose because of high pressure. I saw a name. It made me sick. I had a blood spot in my eye and blood run down my nose.

Disgusting. Sickening.

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