It seems nothing that I do now has any taste or sense of joy. I only do what I do now because it is what I’m used to. I’ve been stripped of all my senses. Especially the ones that make me enjoy life .. what I do.
I have a moral responsibility towards my family and friends to keep functioning as I always was. Though hard, but I try my best not to let what I feel get in the way.
What I wish for now is the complete opposite of what I do. A swift, deadly, silent stop that makes me cease to exist is all I want. Perhaps I might be remembered in a good way.
Everything I now see, hear, experience, remember, or think of is excruciating. A throbbing pain and burning every time that thought crosses my mind. Now it just sinks deeper and deeper.