Did I?

I lost what I never had, yet it hurts just as bad.

I’m not sure if always had actual peace of mind, but I have now literally lost it. All of it. I have to endure this for the rest of my life. A permanent feeling that will never go away.

Ever.

How will I cope? I don’t know. But all I know is that I will. Hopefully neither me nor anyone will take that for granted. He he’s all normal again.

I don’t know if I’m feeling better now, but staying away from the cause .. what did all this .. feels like I am being pulled away from something I should be close to, even if it kills me to do so.

I’m being torn to pieces but I don’t know if it’s just me doing this to myself. No, not me. At least not me alone.

Here I am, writing. Not knowing who might be reading it when. But if you are reading, comment with two dots .. you know what they mean. Or maybe write what those two dots of yours represent.

If I overcome this,as if everything, with all its details never happened, I will be proud of myself. For real, the very first time in my life. Probably the only time I will be of myself.

Looking at my days, all I need is sleeping for 2 hours straight. Noting more. I may have lied a few days ago, I still have problems making our color with my vision.

Even when asked about the burger, I replied with something else about its color. I never said it was red or the usual, but I did say the red one had more spices. I don’t know if I can keep doing this. Keeping stuff to myself without slipping.

God .. why ..

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